The Importance of Saying No

never cheat on your intuition

By Christina Nguyen

July 11^th, 2018

When I started Remote Year I had just finished Brené Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging.” It was a timely read that challenged what we think we know about cultivating true belonging in our communities, organizations, and cultures. Suddenly I found myself in a community of diverse digital nomads from all over the world with an even more open mind. I decided to intentionally be with different people. I wanted to learn how to really listen. I desired to build empathy by having the hard conversations. I sought out opportunities to share my joy, and pain with others. I hoped that the experience would help foster connections through sharing moments of togetherness.

I received exactly all the above, and probably even more. I was practicing tolerance, understanding diversity, and appreciating what others brought to the community. In times when I couldn’t empathize I refrained from casting judgement, and still tried to listen.

A few months later in Prague some friends, and I were at dinner exchanging stories. We came up with a fun business idea. Of course, my immediate reaction was to get on board, and help others bring their ideas to life. I’ve never started a company before, now seemed like the perfect opportunity. I’ve been successful in my career so far, had just completed my MBA, and was coincidentally in search of my next side project. Most importantly I was excited to learn from others. These individuals brought different perspectives, skill sets, and a dynamic that made it exciting. Before you know it five of us went for it, and officially started a company.

There was something in my gut that told me maybe I shouldn't get involved. But I convinced myself that this was just fear trying to intimidate me. At the time, I was hardly aware of it, but if I was completely honest with myself, my intuition was trying to come up from beneath the surface.

Fast forward eight months later I made the decision to leave the company, and walk away from everything that I had helped create. Not because the company wasn’t doing well or the idea wasn’t viable. What we were able to accomplish in a short eight months while traveling, and working full time was amazing. I was, and still am very proud. But over time true characters revealed itself, and it became extremely clear where my values differed from some of my business partners. Without a clear alignment on values two things could have happened. 1. The business would never succeed or 2. I would have to compromise my values to help the business succeed.

Travel is a great self-development tool, because it removes you from your own values for a moment, and shows you that other people or another society can live with entirely different values, and still function. This exposure forces you to re-examine what seems obvious in your own life. I am an optimist, and I’ve been conditioned to open myself up to opportunities, be accepting, say yes to everything, listen to the other perspective, see the silver lining, and so on. But the most important lesson I learned about walking away from the company was the importance of saying no.

There are times when you need to reject something, otherwise we stand for nothing. You must care about something in order to value it. And for me honoring myself, and staying true to the things that I fundamentally believe in is the most important. Wisdom is understanding, and influencing what is in your control, and steering clear of the thoughts, and toxic energies that attempt to devalue you. It is necessary to say no to live your life truthfully.

Leaving behind something I put so much energy into wasn’t easy but I don’t regret it, in fact I am grateful for it. Standing by your values takes moral courage, and there is no amount of money or success that can compromise that. Most importantly, I understood that your truth will never go away, and will always be there to correct you when you feel otherwise. You may cheat on your intuition, but your intuition never cheats on you.